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Year of Reflection

I do not do New Year's Resolutions but instead I call it my New Year's Intention.  Since I started calling it my New Year's Intention in 2019, I've actually been able to accomplish what I wanted to do every year for the past four years. I have decided that 2023 will be my Year of Reflection; I just want to find peace within myself after those hard years of reconstruction (2019), rehabilitation (2020), reformation (2021), and 2022 was my year of reconnection.  I am tired now.  There was a lot to focus on the past four years. Not so much physically tired exactly, just tired of absorbing so much. I just want to reflect on things now. I’ve learned a lot  about myself since my joint replacements and just need time to contemplate.  Because of the past four years, I now have a regular routine with my diet and exercise so those things are set. My body has changed so much physically and I can do things again like my younger self because I have healthy joints.   After my "Year of Reconnection", I have a lot to think about.  I reconnected with myself in so many different ways. I’ve thought about things I haven’t thought about in ages. I spent a lot of time thinking about my younger self, probably because I’m feeling more like that person again. What did I like to do? Who was I exactly?  Early in 2022, I took a trip with my childhood friend to Sedona and we spent a lot of time talking about our lives and growing up.  Sedona is known as a spiritual place to do this sort of self reflection so it was perfect for me to go there in 2022.  I now take long walks on a regular basis to absorb nature, like in the photo above, and think about things. It’s my time to meditate during the day.  I feel like I need to do this everyday now or I miss it, to get my nature-fix on a daily basis. I really feel like the universe is speaking to me when I am out in nature and I want to listen to what it has to say.  What path will the universe lay out for me to follow now?  During my Year of Reconnection, I thought about my life a lot and how I’ve gotten to this point.  I thought about how grateful I am to have such a good life; I know I made mostly right decisions and luck was on my side.  But how did it all happen?  Life slips by so fast, I can't even remember how things unfolded.  It really wasn't until my joint replacements that forced me to step back a bit and focus on fixing my physical self.  I realized through that process that I have a lot of inner fixing to do, too.  And that's what I focused on in 2022. Here are some of the things I learned when I reconnected with myself:

I am very good at blocking out my feelings and doing what I'm suppose to do.  I knew I was good at blocking out my physical feelings of pain after living with arthritis.  During my Year of Reconstruction, my doctor was amazed at my high pain tolerance.  My P.T. was intrigued at how well I blocked out pain to the point that I could not even answer his questions about where on my body I was feeling discomfort.   I also learned from my Year of Reconnection that I am good at following rules.  I did everything they told me to do during my Year of Rehabilition.  In order to accomplish this, you must do that.  I like to make lists of what to do so that I stay on track and I stick to the rules I set up for myself.  I've been like this my whole life.  I did a really good job at following the rules of life while enduring lots of obstacles but I was determined not to let them discourage me.  I went to college. I got married. I raised a family. I worked a career.  I was doing all the right things and I prided myself at doing a good job at all of it, as many women do.  But I realize now I did not do a very good job at taking care of myself.  I sort of lost myself in the process. I'd forgotten so many things about who I am because I was so busy accomplishing life.  After 2022, I now focus inward and I am in tune with myself and it feels so good. I want to just reflect on life now and enjoy what I have.  There will be many changes ahead for me in 2023.  Our grandkids will be moving away to live in Spain so that will be a huge adjustment for us since we see them every week.  They are a big part of our lives right now.  We will do a lot more traveling in 2023 since the grandkids will not be around to occupy our time and we will probably travel to Spain at least once.  Fortunately, I am in so much better physical shape after the past four years that traveling will be a breeze for me now.  I am actually looking forward to it.  I've worked so hard these past four years, I never dreamed those surgeries would impact me so much, inside and out.  I am ready to just reflect on all of it and embrace the person I have been allowed to become.  The person I've always met to be.  The person who can now live my life to the fullest. Get ready 2023, here I come.       

 

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